I spent many years in Therapy focusing on my issues and problems. I realize now how necessary it was for me to deeply understand my issues. I went to therapy every two weeks faithfully in my 20’s and 30’s. I had a ton of childhood trauma, mental illness, gun violence, religion and so much more. What I know is that we can’t measure pain. There are so many of us that suffer and after living and traveling all over the world I have gained a better understanding that suffering is universal. There is not way to avoid it and yes there is always someone that has it worse than you. However this does not take away or discount your pain.
As we age and move into new decades and seasons in our lives we experience a new wave of grief about our past. Often we are surprised by this because when you have done so much work you think to yourself, I did the work why do I still feel sad? Grief and loss and pain are not linear, they don’t run in a straight line. Often times we need to go back and grief our losses from the adult age we are now especially when one suffers childhood trauma. We have to constantly retrain our brains that missed out on so many development stages
Recently I have been helping clients focus on a second narrative and I love this work. Every single last one of us knows what our issues are. We know if we eat too much, or we are too controlling or we have difficultly with relationships. We know this. Often times in the middle of thinking about what is wrong with us we forget to focus on our strengths. To get help for something is a sign of resilience. To talk about deep issues and question and forgive ourselves and others. this stirring up of emotions is not for people who are not resilient because that stuff takes so much work and bravery. To dive into stuff that is so painful and figure it out, reprogram it and realize that you are not what happened to you is like climbing an enormous mountain. The thing is when we do this the air seems to get clearer. We are practicing good self care. There are many people that go through trauma or grief or loss and they don’t make it. For what ever reason the pain is too great and they self destruct. We see this every day and when you have been there you know this feeling.
Focusing on your strengths that you gained from the darkest thing you traveled with helps create a second narrative of your life story. I often start by having my clients name some of their best qualities. It’s very hard for them to do. We go through and talk about what it would look like if we created a new story line that showed all the resiliencies, skills and strengths they gained from traveling thought these dark spaces and times in their lives. I have found over and over again that this exercise helps so much with healing. Instead of focusing on what your problems are when you shift that and also see the story line of the strengths you gained it is so helpful to hold these two truths in one hand. So the next time you start getting down on yourself for all the things you are not. That negative voice in your head that can often be the loudest stop yourself and think about the strengths you gained from these dark times. This simple little shift in your thinking can help you heal the narrative of you being in the middle of the story of suffering. It’s so much easier said then done. If you find yourself stuck in a place of sadness and depression get help, call a counselor. If you are having dark thought please call the National Suicide Hotline and reach out to somebody. You are not alone. If you find yourself wanting to explore your second narrative I would love to offer you a 20 min free consult to discuss your unique story. https://mudtolotuspodcast.com/coaching/ Every day I am working with clients and together we are finding that second narrative and focusing on their resilience together. One thing I know is true is so often you can’t have one without the other. What resilience and strengths have you gained from the darkest day of your life? Write them down, make a list, book an appointment. Self care.
Focus on Your Strengths,
You are worth it!